Brian’s Reflection: Monday, October 24, 2011
One must have chaos in oneself in order
to give birth to a dancing star.
One day, when I was a monk, Br. Robert came by my cell and stood at the door staring at me. I loved Robert! He was a drunk, and eventually alas died young of alcoholism. He was brilliant. He had a wicked sense of humour, and a natural ability to “speak the truth in love”, a gentle smile on his face.
I looked up from my desk. Robert said, “I have been by your cell every day for the last several days. Every day, your fountain pen is in the exact same position on your desk, your sandals are in the exact same place on the floor by the window, and your bed is immaculate. You, Brian. Are. An. Obsessive. Compulsive. Wacko!”
Then he smiled winsomely and said, “Happy Hour. My cell. 4pm. I’m only inviting the best people. Bring a glass.”
I will concede that order and organization - even some low-level obsessive-compulsive behaviour - can be useful at times, especially if one has a “full” Life. But. Giving birth to a dancing star! Now THAT’S a worthwhile goal for one’s Life! It’s one of the reasons that I left the Presbyterian Church and became an Anglican. I found the Reformation approach to Life too “in the head”, as a foundation. My Being stirred more to a good mixture of Primordial mystical chaos!
I’ve opened up over the last few years to more Chaos, or, more accurately, loosened the chains of OC behaviour. On all levels. I’m still in the stage of being a Yellow Dwarf, but I am looking forward to the Red Dwarf stage, and perhaps even a finishing-off stage of White Dwarfism after a spectacular collapse ….. but not too long! Just long enough to be remembered as a gentle spreader of calm cool light!