Brian’s Reflection: Wednesday, Sept 23, 2009

Always get married in the morning. That way if it
doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.

- Mickey Rooney, actor, born on this date, 1920

Mickey was married eight times, and is apparently still alive at age 89 and married to the woman he wed in 1978. As I often say, and my friend Margaret often quotes me (she says), “Aren’t people amazing!” Apparently he and Judy Garland had the sense not to get married – to each other.

I want to talk about ice cube trays. I was with Dennis the other day in Santa Barbara. We stopped there on our way up from LAX, having arrived back from Wisconsin. Santa Barbara is what I would call “slummy chic” – i.e., let’s not look TOO posh! Posh is “lower class”. Anyway, we went into Sur La Table – a favourite place since Dennis is a devoted chef – and I am a devoted gadget freak (within means – I never spend more than my budget - those seeking Simplicity of Life please take note). Up until this time, we have been using the ice cube trays that were in the Fridge that was in the house when we bought it. They are annoying. But. SLT had different ice cube trays! They make perfectly square cubes (which appeals to my tidy brain), and they are made of some material to which frozen ice cubes do not stick! You simply press them from the bottom and they slide effortlessly out. Now, this is excellent low-tech tech!

Which leads me to the issue of marriage. Being married in heart and spirit to Dennis, I have learned certain things, things that have been very helpful to Life. I have learned not to waste “the whole day”. On the wall next to where I sit at my laptop there is taped a Buddhist quote I saw recently. It says “Empty your bowl of yesterday’s rice.” Very salient advice! Marriage has taught me to learn quickly – which I hope Mickey learned after 8 tries. One must learn how to process things. And in that, learn not to make proverbial mountains out of proverbial molehills. “Love” is the Quest. It is critically important not to let one’s defensive pettiness take over. Wasting the whole day, metaphorically speaking, is immature. We need to be processing every minute, taking stock of what’s going on, and quickly disposing of the things that corrupt the great adventure of Marriage. Being married to Dennis has taught me to “process”: Examine, See those things that are destructive because pandering to Ego treachery, Let go.

“Mornings” are a metaphor for paying attention. “The rest of the day” is a metaphor for being set free to deep one’s Humanity.

No time that can be spent in deepening truth and love should be wasted.

We all need to learn to let go at Dawn of the Ego’s hurts, so that we are free to grow into the wonder of being Human.

Brian+