Brian’s Reflection: Monday, September 26, 2011
We must be willing to get rid of the life we've
planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
Brian Orrock McHugh
It’s been a month. And I have felt like hell through it, believe me! Howard (my surgeon) said it would be hell, fixing 2 abdominal hernias one the size of a softball and the other twice as big, having to clear out the mesh and adhesions from the last supposed “fix”, laparoscopic, which didn’t work. All that inner reorganizing worked well (Howard has the reputation of a god around here), and by 2 weeks it was ok. No MRSA caught in the hospital, Thank God. However: 4 weeks of totally exhaustion, 24/7 headache, bouts of breathless gasping for air, numb lips, and (ugh!) a nauseous stomach into which any calories had to be forced. (I lost 15 pounds.) Howard said it could be Fight/Flight adrenaline tension, after the terrific assault on this aging body … and the fourth time the gut has been slashed open on the same fault line.
After tests that showed no blood issues, and an xray showing no blockage, I called Howard and said, “I would like a tranquilizer; my body needs help to cal down.” Bless his heart, he took my advice. Today, after two days of Ativan, I feel 100 % better, and was able to take the two liurgies and preach today. So, we are on the way ….. but I shall remember my dear body’s warning!
I had lots of prayers …. which for me are whispered expressions of love and blessings that filter through the One Consciousness in which we all share, carrying mysticons of peace and love. Thanks! I am on the mend ….. and thinner, a disgusting bit of vanity on my part.
This month’s journey has also reminded me of Campbell’s wisdom. Thinking one can go back to the “status quo” is a fantasy. Many of us get trapped in the dark unhappiness of that delusion, from youth to old age. I know that my four weeks (perhaps a bit more) is a “heads up”: Life is God, and God has more for us that we can “ask or imagine”.