Brian’s Reflection: Monday, Jan 11, 2010

Compared to what we ought to be,
we are half awake.

William James, philosopher, psychologist,
Harvard professor; born on this date, 1842


Why? Why are we, thousands of years into being and religion and science and culture and art, “half awake”? This bedevils me, frustrates me, depresses me, shocks me.

Our little (7 this morning) 8am band of worshippers at St. Benedict’s, listening to the readings, were extolling God’s great, enormous, boundless love for the human community. We few 8am-ers love this “service” (why is it called that?). We sit in a circle. We begin in Holy Silence. We “collect” around the Collect. We listen to the Readings – with two to three minutes of silent reflection between readings. We pray for each other, the World, our parish community, and offer our Thanks. We take the Body and Blood of Christ, tingling with the vast mythical implications. We “retire” to drink coffee and visit. Perfect for Dennis and I. After fifteen years of monastic life and work, and twenty-five years of parish ministry, I love this Sunday rite! Kudos to Caro, our Priest-in-Charge, for having this worship experience available.

I asked: why do we know this great unfathomable Love of God, and yet fail so much to live this Reality, this Truth, this Call, to make a difference in the World, to change the suffering and hate and extrangement? Why do I not do it? We shared our thoughts. (I love this part. People are amazing! So wise! So honest! It is wonderful as a priest to hear this from faithful Christian (perhaps condescendingly called) layfolk!

Of course there were no “answers”. No solutions. There are not nor will ever be. We just struggle with the facts, the realities. In the midst of a World that is so wounded at this moment in history. We affirm our belief in the “vision” – a whole Humanity, Love, Grace, possibility, acting locally, self-transformation. We “buck ourselves up”, encourage “keeping on keeping on”.

“Religion” is, for me – especially in this wonderful time post-“retirement” – an amazing time of re-assessment – about Everything. My understanding of the Gospel and “God” has expanded faster than the Cosmos! I’m lurching around, off-balance, stunned, thrilled, scared. But I’m also caught in the utter joy of being taught the Wonder of Life. It’s a grand time.

I doubt that I am anyways near half awake! I feel no shame or guilt at age 63 and near 37 years into priesthood at being on a new threshold. Rather, I feel ….. renewed. Given a new Life. Reborn.

I want to move beyond “half awake”. I’m engaged by it. It makes me see that I am alive, that Life is one glorious adventure after another if you can say “Yes”.

Brian+