Brian’s Reflection: Friday, Oct 23, 2009

If variety is the spice of life, marriage
is the big can of leftover Spam.

- Johnny Carson, entertainer, born
on this date, 1925


First, let me confess that I rather like Spam. But: that has nothing to do with this metaphor. Do I think that “marriage” is a “good thing”? In the modern understanding, or as it works out practically: NO!

Why is Marriage such a miserable failure at the moment?

In a word: Male ignorance. Male testosterone. Male arrogance. Male childishness. Male mental inability to transcend their gonads. I am speaking about most of the World, and about most religions. If there are any cultures or communities where none of the above is in play, I would like you to tell me.

Of course: Gay men are exempt. We are paragons!

“Marriage” needs rethinking. From my point of view, any two people (and let’s not get silly here: we’re not talking about nutty relationships, etc) should be able to get married for the legal benefits – though I question the helpfulness of the “state” meddling in this business. But I am not interested in those aspects – except for equality under the law, which should be de rigeur for both straight and Gay folk. But: I AM interested in marriage which makes real people! Equal people. Loving people. Caring people.

Marriage has been corrupted in western culture. Most religion has betrayed Marriage. It has fallen victim to male (false) superiority and , strangely, male sense of inferiority. Fallen victim to control and dominance issues.

Though Marriage is not everyone’s calling and not everyone’s path to a more beautiful Humanity, “Marriage” can make those called to it more beautiful, more caring, more understanding, more loving. Primarily because we learn to displace our own Ego from the position of Tyrant to the position of Lover.

If “marriage” near you doesn’t make these things possible, work to make it so! It is good for our own soul and the World’s Soul.

Brian+

Brian’s Reflection: Thursday, Oct 22, 2009


My advice to people today is as follows: if you take the game
of life seriously, if you take your nervous system seriously, if
you take your sense organs seriously, if you take the energy
process seriously, you must turn on, tune in, and drop out.

Learning how to operate a soul figures to take time.

Science is all metaphor.

- Dr. Timothy F. Leary, great character; he was born on
this date, 1920



Have I told you this before?? That Leary (and some of his entourage) lived near me, in Millbrook NY (Very fancy, and elegant, and “old money” – and they didn’t like him being there!) The locals still relate with mini-shock amusing stories of Leary and his friends wandering naked (presumably stoned) along the road into town, being gathered up and taken home by the gendarmerie!! (Sounds fun to me!)

The first quote is one of Leary’s most famous. Very 60’s. I agree with him for this our own time. The question is: “Turn on” with what? “Tune in” to what? “Drop out” of what – and if it’s our culture, well …..

I would say: “Turn on” with the “drug” of respecting all people. “Tune in” to others’ fear and despair. “Drop out” of the consumerist mindset. Our Spirit will flourish.

“Soul” is the Deepest Essence of being Human and Oneself. Is it surprising that a great deal of our time and energy should go into this work? Do you “know” your “soul”? Start there.

Not only is Science all metaphor. And it is. It is also a Sacrament – and “Sacrament” and “Myth” are the same thing. They point to something deeper – theologically, philosophically, emotionally. “Science” is a metaphor for “Wonder”. A metaphor for being thunderstruck at the Mystery of Life.

Let’s Turn on, Tune in, Drop out of EVERYTHING that demeans Life and Love and Justice and Tenderness and Respect and Equality. Let’s live from the “Soul” – the “eye” within us that sees Eternity and that knows what’s really worth living out of.

And let’s recall: take one step at a time, and be satisfied with small advances! Human beings are an imperfect lot!

Brian+

Brian’s Reflection: Tuesday, Oct 20, 2009

I don't think there are any men who are faithful to their wives.

- First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy. On this date, 1968,
she married Greek millionaire Aristotle Onassis


Jackie also said: “The first time you marry for love, the second for money, and the third for companionship.” Onassis was #2. Money. But one can’t help wonder why. Both the Bouviers (I think) and the Kennedys had plenty of money. As I often say: “Aren’t people amazing!” My delightful friend Margaret Wetmore says she often quotes me on that; I appreciate her flattery, as I respect her.

Did Jackie make her comment in bitterness? Or, with a sigh of acceptance? I have been thinking about marriage in our culture. It’s an extremely complicated issue! There are millions of books about it. I think that Jackie and Aristotle’s marriage was the second for each. Which may mean that it wasn’t for Companionship. Too bad.

I think that, when anyone considers marrying anyone (spiritually speaking; forget the legal aspects), we should already be thinking about Stage Three: Companionship. People who get married late in Life do, I think. I did. A companionship that will outlive #1 and #2. A Biblical phrase comes to mind (St. Paul?): “All these things shall pass away; only three things last, Faith, Hope, and Love, and the greatest is Love.” Companionship is about two minds and bodies walking together, each serving the other, each being a vehicle by which the “other” is transported to their destiny and to the fullness of their unique being. A Companion is one who values that more than their own Journey – only to discover that the Wisdom is true, as the Christ expressed it: one’s greatness and Self is found in serving the destiny of the Other.

I think that people who are not “faithful” to their spouses are punishing (consciously or unconsciously) primarily themselves. They see that they made a wrong choice, in their immaturity. (Oh that pastors could be more brave in their discernment and counseling!) Then, not able to shoulder their responsibility, they lay it on their spouse. Just like Adam blamed Eve (or Adam blames Steve, or Evvie blames Eve).

Jackie’s cry is an archetypal one, relating to us all. Faithfulness is a prescription for happiness, for the other, for our Self, and for the human community. As with all such covenants, it can’t be forced; it must be freely accepted. It must be renewed by honesty and forgiveness. And, faithlessness must not ever be rewarded or become a trap – this is a betrayal of Love.

Entranced? Bowled over? Hormones inflamed? Head over heels in Love?

Remember: Companionship.

Brian+

Brian’s Reflection: Monday, Oct 19, 2009

I gave up shame a long time ago.

-John Lithgow, actor, artist, born
on this date, 1945


Feeling “real” shame is a good thing. Keeps us honest. That is, providing we have a moral code by which we have committed our self to live. It has nothing to do (so say I) with anyone else. Nothing to do with anyone or any institution. I have come to see in my old age and vast acquired wisdom that anything that is “imposed” by others or by a culture or by a religion has little value until that “code” has been freely embraced with passion and abandon by the person them-self. (Why won’t my spell-checker let me say “ourself”?)

Rules imposed from the “outside”, I see from my study and thought and experience, can only be guides or Flash Warnings”. A little friendly advice from the Ancients. Jesus understood this. All great teachers do. “You can lead the horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.” Rules that come with punishment if you break them can “control” most people for a bit. The fact that every nation is building more prisons (if they are not, like some Islamic or other theocratic societies, summarily executing offenders) proves to me that externally imposed codes have a very short life span.

Besides: our goal, as the human community, and especially as a “religious” community, should not be to control peoples’ antisocial behaviour on a short-term basis. Surely the goal should be to shepherd people to that blessed place where we embrace a moral path voluntarily and rejoice both to follow it and to be reminded when we are not?

For decades, society and religion have been trying to shame me to conform to their standards by vilifying homosexuality. It hasn’t worked, and it is never going to work – with me or most other Gayfolk, or with other categories of people feared by the “majority”. Why? Because “God” made us in Her Image! God would never be intimidated into self-hate or hypocrisy, would She?

So, why should anyone???

“God Bless You” if you have found a religious or philosophical path that made sense to you and to which you have committed yourself to guide you on the “straight path” to your and everyone’s blessed and beautiful Humanity!

Thumbs up! Don’t give in. External controls will never bring us to a World in which we all can live in Respect and Peace. Only your personal integrity and faithfulness will do that.

Brian+

Brian’s Reflection: Friday, October 16, 2009

For this is the journey that men and women
make, to find themselves. If they fail in this,
it doesn't matter much else what they find.

- James Michener, author, who died on this
date, 1997


I read all his books. Fascinating. Of course, some of them were (or turned out to be) propaganda. “The Source”, for example. Misleadingly biased. Too bad: it skewed truth, in my opinion.

However, Michener makes a fundamental “spiritual” point. The critical task of every human being and of the human community is to “find themselves”. I am absolutely convinced that at the heart of all the difficulties the human community is experiencing lies the failure to understand that all human beings are connected and One, with each other and with the “Brahman” – with that great Mystery called “Being’. The Buddha said it. Jesus said it. Confucius said it. The Jewish Prophets said it. And most everyone else.

Do you get what I’m saying? We must understand that each of us is a manifestation of God. Each of us. No exceptions. We must understand this! We will not have found ourselves until we know this at the depth at the very core of our being. And – most importantly – when we act on this truth! Every one of us.

“If we fail in this, it doesn’t matter much else what they find”.

The regular folk of America (and of the whole World) will wither and die, and the insurance companies and the banks and the health care companies will prosper and live high off the hog, unless we rediscover our common humanity and our connection with each other – a connection that is the only thing that will prevent a World war and revolution that will plunge us into horrendous chaos.

Come on People. Challenge our leaders! It is we who will make the difference between a World worth living in and misery.

Brian+

Brian’s Reflection: Thursday, October 15, 2009

It's delightful, it's delicious, it's de-lovely.

- Cole Porter, musician, who died on this date, 1964


Even though Cole was Gay, he lived at a time when one couldn’t “be” Gay. He married, etc. And we all know from the film about him what his life was like. Interestingly, apparently one of his lovers was Jackie Bouvier Kennedy’s father.

He wrote songs that all people my age know and can sing many of. Delightful, witty songs that today, in our torn and hostile World seem so naïve. Sad, isn’t it?

Here are the whole lyrics of you want to reminisce:

http://www.lyricskeeper.com/cole_porter-lyrics/223237-its_delovely-lyrics.htm

So: a high-stepping segue. I am enough of a Romantic to think - flying in the face of the modern World, but still an optimist - that the World can be delightful, delicious and de-lovely. As a whole? Well, that would be almost impossible. But I do think that those of us who are lucky enough to be able to find it can share it, maybe only with those we meet, but still, that is “thinking globally and acting locally”. Often that’s the best we can do.

Tomorrow I will set out on my errands and meanderings intending to pump a little delightfulness, deliciousness and de-loveliness among those I encounter. I’ll hum the song as a reminder!!

Brian+

Brian’s Reflection: Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Humanity I love you because when you're hard
up you pawn your intelligence to buy a drink.

- e.e.cummings, poet, born on this date, 1894

I’m devoted to e. e. cummings. Because, many years ago when I was a “young monk” I did a retreat for a private school for girls. And when one of the girls who participated graduated, she wrote a poem in her yearbook in the “miniscule” case a la cummings ….. and mentioned me as one of the people she was glad to have encountered. How sweet! That got me reading cummings – and for awhile, I eschewed capitalization! (Most of my friends now wish I would eschew the exclamation point!!! Dream on, friends!)

Because of the ability of human beings, when “hard up”, to pawn their intelligence and buy a drink, I have come to appreciate and love human character/nature in its reality. Bless poets like cummings for leading us to see the charm and mystery and paradoxical nature of ourselves.

“Pawning your intelligence to buy a drink” is, for me, a metaphor, and a theological principle at that. What it says is that when all else collapses – brain, reason, diplomacy, etc. – we human beings, if we are smart, sit down with our fellow human beings and have a drink and eat a good meal and chit chat with a little buzz on and listen to each other and consider each other as brothers and sisters. And when we awake in the morning a little hazy, we retain a little of the things we learned about each other.

Jesus was very smart. He knew that gathering together in thanksgiving was the quintessential setting for becoming open to each other, to “honouring” each other despite whatever uncomfortableness we might feel. Though we are fast losing it, this would be true of families – a meal together weaves webs of love and connection and sympathy.

I think it is important to recognize that we human beings are complex and brilliant. But that at critical moments when complexity and brilliance fail us, we must resort to basics if we wish to survive. Eat, Drink, Talk. Most important, Listen to each other, and be interested in each other. At base, we are all the same. Each and all worthy of respect and of honour.

“Humanity I love you”. This is a worthy life-giving idea to live by.

Brian+