Brian’s Reflection: Tuesday, Oct 20, 2009

I don't think there are any men who are faithful to their wives.

- First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy. On this date, 1968,
she married Greek millionaire Aristotle Onassis


Jackie also said: “The first time you marry for love, the second for money, and the third for companionship.” Onassis was #2. Money. But one can’t help wonder why. Both the Bouviers (I think) and the Kennedys had plenty of money. As I often say: “Aren’t people amazing!” My delightful friend Margaret Wetmore says she often quotes me on that; I appreciate her flattery, as I respect her.

Did Jackie make her comment in bitterness? Or, with a sigh of acceptance? I have been thinking about marriage in our culture. It’s an extremely complicated issue! There are millions of books about it. I think that Jackie and Aristotle’s marriage was the second for each. Which may mean that it wasn’t for Companionship. Too bad.

I think that, when anyone considers marrying anyone (spiritually speaking; forget the legal aspects), we should already be thinking about Stage Three: Companionship. People who get married late in Life do, I think. I did. A companionship that will outlive #1 and #2. A Biblical phrase comes to mind (St. Paul?): “All these things shall pass away; only three things last, Faith, Hope, and Love, and the greatest is Love.” Companionship is about two minds and bodies walking together, each serving the other, each being a vehicle by which the “other” is transported to their destiny and to the fullness of their unique being. A Companion is one who values that more than their own Journey – only to discover that the Wisdom is true, as the Christ expressed it: one’s greatness and Self is found in serving the destiny of the Other.

I think that people who are not “faithful” to their spouses are punishing (consciously or unconsciously) primarily themselves. They see that they made a wrong choice, in their immaturity. (Oh that pastors could be more brave in their discernment and counseling!) Then, not able to shoulder their responsibility, they lay it on their spouse. Just like Adam blamed Eve (or Adam blames Steve, or Evvie blames Eve).

Jackie’s cry is an archetypal one, relating to us all. Faithfulness is a prescription for happiness, for the other, for our Self, and for the human community. As with all such covenants, it can’t be forced; it must be freely accepted. It must be renewed by honesty and forgiveness. And, faithlessness must not ever be rewarded or become a trap – this is a betrayal of Love.

Entranced? Bowled over? Hormones inflamed? Head over heels in Love?

Remember: Companionship.

Brian+