Sunday, November 16, 2008

Brian’s Reflection: Monday, November 17, 2008


Someone asked me once what my philosophy of
life was, and I said some crazy thing. I should have
said, how the hell do I know?


- Rock Hudson, actor, born on this day, 1925;
a closeted Gay man, died of AIDS


I met Rock Hudson once. At a party in Santa Barbara CA. If it were possible to judge a person by one encounter, I would say he was unattractive, in many ways. But it isn’t possible. Who knows? Or, to use his words, How the hell do I know? Best we remember this, in terms of making assumptions about people.

The older I get, the more clear I become about what my “philosophy of Life” is. It hasn’t narrowed in the process; it has broadened. Theologically, culturally, philosophically …. and of the heart.

There are a lot of things now of which I simply must say, How the hell do I know? I am more and more aware that what I think is determined by my prejudices, my fears, my failure - or lack of courage or moral strength - to live up to what I believe through my Faith Journey in daily Life. Will there be a time that I will do this? Is this the anguish of every person who wants to be transfigured, but who struggles with being human?

My bottom-line philosophy of Life is, Love One Another as I Have Loved You. I wonder why it is that I can’t stay focused on this??? Is this my personal equivalent of St. Paul’s “The things I want to do I don’t do”??

I am now 62 years old. I am in Weight Watchers. I have a hole in my heart that needs to be fixed lest I have a massive stroke. I have a replaced heart valve and a reversed colostomy. Why am I telling you this? Because it amazes me that I have been on the path of the Gospel for over 42 years and still can’t walk out onto a new day and stay focused on the path of Love!

However. This does not send me into a tailspin of despair. It simply reminds me that Divine Grace is critical. We human beings have enormous capabilities. But something has to undergird all that. And what undergirds it is the Mystery of Divine Grace. Freeing Divine Grace. With it, every day, I can get up and laugh and shake my head and shuffle off the burden of not living up to what my mind and heart envision and burst into today as if on eagles’ wings. I believe that we “invented” God to clear the path to our humanity ….. and I wish that people would stop creating images of “God” that diminish the image of our unerring imagination of Who We Truly Can Be.

Beyond my short-sightedness, Rock and John McCain and Sarah Palin are but versions of me, as is Barack Obama. We are all Mysteries, we all fall short ….. but by some Mystery we can radiate the Divine that makes us worthy of Love. Surrender to it.

Brian+

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