Brian’s Reflection: Monday, March 23, 2009

Learning to detach may be the most demanding and difficult part of [living].
Detachment means being filled with closeness and love toward someone, yet
knowing we cannot fix or protect that person. It means that we can be in
emotional contact but don't have to react to someone else's issues. We
respond from our own center with what is fitting for us ….. we cannot live
their lives for them. Detachment gives us an inner calm, an acceptance
of our limits, and the freedom to live our lives with integrity.

- Source unknown

Indeed. It has often been clarified by calling it “holy detachment”, with reference to the God of Love, to make sure that we understand that it does not mean unconcern or indifference.

Detachment is very helpful on various levels when it comes to being free to love – people, things, the Earth. One of the things I learned in my years as a monastic was detachment from “things”. While a monastic, I lived in beautiful places, often surrounded by beautiful things. But they were not “mine”. After those years, I continued to live that way. I had many beautiful things, but sat loose with them. Often gave them away. As I moved in my ministries, I gave away “things” or let them go freely. And now that I have “retired”, I am happy with the basics. But my love of beautiful things has not diminished.

My monastic years also taught me that you cannot both love and possess - especially true about people. Any dimension of control – any! – drains Love of its essential Truth, and possibility. This is one of the reasons behind Jesus’ willingness to accept His death. We can’t possess Life. This is an axiom. Life is a gift. To have it, we must be willing to let it go, to “die” to it. One of the core meanings of the Resurrection of Jesus is it’s lesson that refusal to possess Life, or “control” it, paradoxically opens the path to it.

Jesus had a parable about it. If we think of Him as a metaphor for fullness of Life, we can understand what He meant when He said that anyone willing to give up their Life for Him and for the Gospel would receive it a hundredfold.

“Grasping” is a very ominous description of anyone. One immediately understands the sadness they are doomed to. Holy Detachment renounces possessiveness and control, offers love, is content to respect freedom, and rejoices to hold lightly what comes its way. Besides blessedness, it’s other gift is Peace.

Brian+