Brian’s Reflection: Thursday, May 7, 2009

Without tenderness, a man is uninteresting.

- Marlene Dietrich, actress, who died on May 6,
1992, age 90, in Paris


Is it possible for a man to live in a patriarchal society and be genuinely tender? I really wonder. One of the reasons I regret being brought up in the Judeo-Christian tradition is because the feminine has been eliminated from the concept of the Divine. And on top of it, the male figure is trapped in the stereotype of the warrior, the tyrant, the hunter, the dominator, whose strength lies in power. Does anyone actually remember, who is a Christian, that Jesus doesn’t fit any of those categories???

I can’t tell you the number of women friends I have who deeply wish they could have Gay men best friends, or be married to men who had the characteristics of Gay men!!! Most of the sensible women I know are sick of having to deal with straight men who are either infantile or whose sense of masculinity is so warped that they have no connection with their feminine characteristics – among which is authentic tenderness – as opposed to a false tenderness that some men can muster when dealing with an “inferior” instead of an equal being. Sad situation for women – but even worse for the men.

I am also amazed at the number of heterosexual women I know who are seemingly willing to put up with the kind of men they marry! It does not surprise me that even after being married to them and having kids and living together for decades, they leave them. Having a semi-safe environment to raise a family can be helpful, but after that many women are looking for a different kind of companion – and many don’t find such a companion in the men they married. Why am I not surprised that marriage is chosen by less and less people in our culture? Modern women know what they may be in for, and modern men know they aren’t going to get a slave.

If we weren’t so intent in portraying “God” as a male, we would have a much better role model! I really hope that the Christian Church can take a lead in this, in changing the concept of the Divine. I suspect I am whistling in the wind – but I am ever hopeful!

Our bishop (a woman in her 40s) apparently said that she would like to concentrate on outreach to straight men. If she’s thinking along the lines I’m thinking, maybe she has a point!

Brian+

p.s. Marlene also said:

If there is a supreme being, he's crazy. (I can imagine what she was thinking.)

It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter. (She’s right on!)