Brian’s Reflection: Thursday, April 2, 2009

If you ask me what I came into this life to do,
I will tell you: I came to live out loud.

- Emile Zola, French writer, born on this day, 1840

Emile Zola was the premier example of the literary and theatrical schools called “naturalism”. He is credited with a leading part in the political liberalization of France, and the exoneration of the falsely accused and convicted army officer Alfred Dreyfus.

I think that anyone who develops any sense of what we call “spiritual life” (though I dislike the phrase for its dualistic inference; to me all Life is “spiritual”, including bodily life) must by definition “live out loud”.

Most of the things I have done in my life have been to try to “live out loud”. I went to college in part because I was expected not to (which to me meant, don’t become yourself, don’t grow). I became a monk primarily because I was (perhaps unconsciously) searching for what it meant to be a whole person; and to know if “God” existed (I’m still not sure, or in what way “God” exists). Also because I intuitively knew that in the Order of the Holy Cross I would be “safe” as a Gay man. (Not only was that true, but I also learned the very important truths that I was “ok” and that I was “ok” with “God”.

Practically every parish I ministered in (there were two from whose grasp I fled because I felt oppressed from “living out loud”) came my way and allowed me to “live out loud” – honestly, boldly, and to enjoy Life. The same with my friends: all my dear friends (of which I am graced to have many) have abetted my “living out loud” – and I have tried to return the favour. In my priestly ministry, my primary gaol was to help people “live out loud” – to be who they were meant to be, and not what something or someone(s) else told or expected them to be, especially their cramped idea of “God”.

I lived by myself most of my life. But when I met a man who abetted my “living out loud”, I said Yes. I try to return the favour.

You came in this Life to Live Out Loud. Go for it. It’s never too late.

Brian+