Thursday, July 29, 2010

Brian’s Reflection: Friday, July 330, 2010

I'll walk where my own nature would be leading:
It vexes me to choose another guide.

Emily Bronte, author, (“Wuthering Heights”)
born on this date, 1818, in Massachusetts

Now, there’s a self-confident woman! And a wise one too.

The interesting things to me is that we each must decide to trust and value our own nature. We can be taught all kinds of things, read all kinds of things. But I have discovered after 84 years of Life that there is no “proof” that any one path or religion or philosophy is the “right” one. If anything, all contain some aspect or dimension of Reality. In the end, something has to “tell us”, from deep within, what makes Sense.

I’ve considered all that I have read and learned and “been taught”. And I’ve come to my own conclusions and made my choices about Life and “morality” and “truth” and “God”. I’ve chosen what principles I wish to live by, principles which promote Peace and Compassion and Kindness and Respect and (a word and concept I find weak) “tolerant”. I’ll admit to one problem though: living in America and in the World today as a Gay man makes it very hard to stick to those principles! I struggle all the time.

Prompted by a friend, I’ve begun to follow the advice I’ve often given to others: Don’t feed yourself with Toxicity! I’ve eliminated everyone and every cause (even including the Human Rights Campaign!) that just get my anger up. I’ve accepted my friend’s advice that there indeed things I can’t control or change. That I need to concentrate on being loving and doing and supporting loving things and people.

So, we’ll see how far I get! Meanwhile, I’ve noticed how often my neck and shoulders are scrunched in tension, and my chest aches. Time to start relaxing!

The hardest part? To “believe” that God is at work in the World and that somehow Good and Justice and Caring for the poor and underserved will prevail. I have my doubts that it will in my lifetime, frankly. Pessimistic, I know. My friend also pointed out that those born under the sign of Cancer are prone to be obsessed with the idea that all the horrible things will never get better! Yep, that’s me. Christianity doesn’t seem to have done a damn thing about it for 2000 years, nor any religion for that matter!

Oh well. “I’ll walk where my own nature would be leading: it vexes me to choose another guide”. I feel the one I’ve developed over 60 years can be trusted.


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