Brian’s Reflection: Thursday, April 9, 2009

Feast of the Holy Eucharist (Christian Calendar)

Gratitude changes the pangs of memory into a tranquil joy.

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer, theologian, whose feast day in the
the Episcopal Church is today (died 1945 in a Nazi camp)


I have a confession to make. “Church” has often been a barrier to joy - and it has also been the utter source of joy. Which only proves the truth that Life is a paradox on every level. “Church” has caused me the most pain, and it has been the greatest source (pointing to the springs of wonder) of wholeness and healing and strength.

“Church” (in the Episcopal Church, of which I have been a apart since I was 19 years old, and in which I have served as a monk and then a priest for 42 years all told) is what I chose after a chance [hmmmmmm] encounter with the Holy Eucharist in Toronto in about 1966. Why? Because, aside from the utter Mystery of the Body and Blood of the Christ [What????] and what it intimates about Truth, the Holy Eucharist (the institution of which is celebrated today) means Holy Thanksgiving.

Since that day over 43 years ago, I have grown to understand that Gratitude/Thanksgiving is indeed the heart of a joyful Life. Not that there are a lot of things in Life that are not happy! I have many “pangs of memory” of very unhappy times in my Life, especially all the taunting and contempt and demeaning and downright hate that I have had to put up with as a Gay man – including in the Episcopal Church. And, even though I still am a captive of anger about that, I am now old enough, and have benefited from the blessing of so many wonderful people and from some actions of the Episcopal Church, that many “pangs of memory” have been transfigured “into a tranquil joy”. Easter Day, Dennis and I will be on Pismo Beach with wine and cheese, basking in the tranquil joy of a beautiful World, simple blue sky, Snowy Plovers and Whimbrels, dancing Pacific waves, and happy people walking the sands.

“We give thanks to you, Oh God, for the goodness and love which you have made known to us in all Creation”, says one of our prayers of Great Thanksgiving. This is what the Gospel is all about, and what Christianity SHOULD be all about! Gratitude for Life, for Compassion, for the absolute joy of being able to extend Love to another, for Mystery, for Hiddenness, for Vulnerability, for Connection with all that IS.

Christian or not: on this coming Sunday, I wish you a Gratitude that will change your pangs of memory into tranquil joy.

Brian+